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class="single-meta-area"><span id="wsstnmvt" class="meta-date"><time datetime="2024-10-27 10:55:36">2024年10月27日</time></span><span id="wsstnmvt" class="meta-cat"><a href="http://www.motor-park.com.cn/wanhuinanren/wanhuinanyou/" rel="category tag">挽回男友</a></span><span id="wsstnmvt" class="comment"><a href="http://www.motor-park.com.cn/308112.html#respond"><i class="be be-speechbubble ri"></i><span id="wsstnmvt" class="comment-qa"></span><em>評(píng)論</em></a></span><span id="wsstnmvt" class="views"><i class="be be-eye ri"></i>24</span><span id="wsstnmvt" class="word-time"></span></span></div><span id="wsstnmvt" class="s-hide" title="側(cè)邊欄"><span id="wsstnmvt" class="off-side"></span></span><div id="wsstnmvt" class="single-content"><p> 我在感情上很作，一吵架或者鬧分手或者說(shuō)些賭氣的狠話。男友開始還很耐心的哄我，后期他還是覺得累覺得怕。兩個(gè)月前一次小爭(zhēng)吵后他提出分手，我覺得是因?yàn)樽约鹤鞫鴮?dǎo)致分手的挽回機(jī)會(huì)很小，我該怎么辦？<p> 因?yàn)榕鞫质?，該如何挽回?span id="wsstnmvt" class="beupset43">文章源自懂愛網(wǎng)-http://www.motor-park.com.cn/308112.html</span><p> 網(wǎng)友情感咨詢：<p> 我86年的，今年31歲了。我談過三次戀愛，第一位是大學(xué)同學(xué)，畢業(yè)癌癥去世了，我痛苦在家一年多。<p> 第二位是以前同學(xué)，異地四年，沒辦法最后分開了。第三位是我一個(gè)系統(tǒng)的同事，我屬于他的上級(jí)，但不直接管轄。<p> 他小我六歲，大家聊了好幾個(gè)月。他很真誠(chéng)強(qiáng)烈的表白，我掙扎了一段時(shí)間，他很堅(jiān)持，所以在一起了。<p> 我感情上很無(wú)能，容易生氣發(fā)火，很作，一吵架或者鬧分手，會(huì)說(shuō)些賭氣的狠話。如果對(duì)方很強(qiáng)硬，我就容易喪失理智。<p> 他開始還很耐心的哄我，但是畢竟他歲數(shù)小，愛玩游戲，愛跟朋友出去喝酒，也不太上進(jìn)。我愛靜愛看書，工作上很上進(jìn)，所以經(jīng)常有矛盾，會(huì)因?yàn)樗恍┯字傻脑捇蛘咝袨楹軣o(wú)語(yǔ)。<p> 我覺得很多方面將就他，我也努力去融入。他人正派，善良，家庭也沒有因?yàn)槟挲g不接納我，反而對(duì)我還是不錯(cuò)。<p> 我父母從小經(jīng)常爭(zhēng)吵，我爸愛賭博、愛撒謊，所以我媽比較強(qiáng)勢(shì)，我知道自己帶著原生家庭的很多問題。后期我很努力去收斂克制，他還是覺得累覺得怕。<p> 兩個(gè)月前一次小爭(zhēng)吵后，他就提出了分手，斷得很突然。我一下接受不了，錯(cuò)誤的方式糾纏了一個(gè)月，沒用就沒再聯(lián)系他了。<p> 我情緒控制很差，會(huì)以自我為中心，沒安全感，總是通過分手和鬧渴望得到肯定和滿足感，現(xiàn)在我在學(xué)習(xí)控制情緒和相處方式，因?yàn)槲矣X得這是我感情一直失敗的原因。<p> 以前我因?yàn)槟挲g問題不安，有顧慮，覺得不合適，多次提分手。但是真的分了，心里很難受，不只是不甘心，是真的有感情。<p> 我控制不了翻他朋友圈和微博，我還是想挽回。我覺得是因?yàn)樽约焊星榈牟怀墒?，?dǎo)致了分手，但是覺得挽回的機(jī)會(huì)很小。<p> 我該怎么辦？<p> 花鎮(zhèn)情感咨詢師彭亮回復(fù)：<p> 我能感覺到到你對(duì)這段關(guān)系看得很清晰，而且從你的親密關(guān)系史來(lái)看，你對(duì)親密關(guān)系是很忠誠(chéng)的。挽回，我是支持的，但是要對(duì)癥下藥。<p> 心態(tài)學(xué)上認(rèn)為，我們所說(shuō)的作，自我為中心，情緒管理差，其實(shí)是因?yàn)槲覀儍?nèi)心有擔(dān)心。因?yàn)閾?dān)心對(duì)方會(huì)拒絕，所以表現(xiàn)地很強(qiáng)硬，不給對(duì)方選擇。<p> 因?yàn)閾?dān)心對(duì)方可能會(huì)離開自己，所以用很多不對(duì)的方式去“試探對(duì)方”，擔(dān)心自己的需求得不到好好的對(duì)待，所以以自我為中心等等。<p> 你說(shuō)你原生家庭不好，當(dāng)然，因?yàn)檫@種擔(dān)心一定來(lái)源于你沒有被好好對(duì)待，你早年沒有體驗(yàn)過一段好的關(guān)系。而曾經(jīng)沒有好好對(duì)待你，又影響了你的性格的，定然來(lái)源于你生命中的“重要客體”。一般情況下，“重要客體”是你的父母。<p> 如果要擺脫原生家庭的陰影，需要注意一個(gè)點(diǎn)：你需要去體驗(yàn)安全的模式。比如，你不去控制欲強(qiáng)（一個(gè)強(qiáng)勢(shì)的媽媽必然會(huì)有一個(gè)控制欲強(qiáng)的女兒），不去讓身邊的事情按照你的意愿走，去體驗(yàn)一下，也許你還是安全的，不會(huì)被不好的對(duì)待。<p> 你要去體驗(yàn)被好好對(duì)待的感覺，有一個(gè)新的體驗(yàn)。只有新的關(guān)系模式才能替換原有的模式。忍耐是沒有用的，我們需要迭代。</div><div id="wsstnmvt" class="turn-small"></div><div id="wsstnmvt" class="sharing-box betip" data-aos="zoom-in"> <a class="be-btn-beshare be-btn-like use-beshare-like-btn" data-count="" rel="external nofollow"> 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