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class="single-content"><p>文|懂愛咨詢師·陳兆威有一部心理學(xué)的電影，叫《完美陌生人》，這部電影講的是7個(gè)好友在聚會(huì)上公開手機(jī)訊息而引發(fā)的一場信任災(zāi)難的故事。但今天講的主題不是分析人性的脆弱和防御的重要性，而是談?wù)劊耗阈枰邆淠男l件，別人才會(huì)向你敞開心扉？以電影中的父母與女兒的關(guān)系為例，所以這篇文章是親子教育篇，也可以是兩性相處篇。1影片中，那位父親對女兒的教育堪稱楷模，也是整部影片的一大亮點(diǎn)：在飯局中，父親突然收到女兒的來電:父親一時(shí)也沉默了,女兒開始拋出一系列困惑：看看父親是如何回復(fù)糾結(jié)茫然的女兒的：<p>不知道大家看完上述的對話，有什么感受？女兒和父親平靜的討論這么隱私的問題，很意外是嗎？在我們的文化背景中，這樣的談話很少見，孩子也很少會(huì)和父母討論一些隱私的問題，特別是性方面。什么樣的父母會(huì)讓子女愿意把最隱私的問題分享給他們？在上述的對話中，女兒把男友想和她發(fā)生關(guān)系這件事情告訴給父親，并希望父親能給她一些建議。能看得出，這位女兒十分信任她的父親，愿意和父親一起商量一些哪怕很隱私的問題。作為父母，都希望自己的孩子能夠像上面那位女兒一樣，什么事情都和你們一起商量，但孩子往往就是不愿意配合，長得越大，就越什么都不說。為什么會(huì)這樣？因?yàn)槿说臐撘庾R(shí)不會(huì)講道理，潛意識(shí)不知道什么是對，什么是錯(cuò)，它只知道這樣做是安全，還是不安全。比如，孩子覺得如果把這番話說出來，你肯定會(huì)責(zé)備TA，潛意識(shí)就會(huì)讓TA產(chǎn)生恐懼，恐懼會(huì)使TA保持沉默，因?yàn)槌聊瑫?huì)比說出來更安全，能夠讓TA避免責(zé)備。所以當(dāng)父母苦惱孩子為什么都不愿意分享他們的內(nèi)心世界時(shí)，可以先想想：你對于孩子來說，是安全的嗎？如果孩子把事情說出來，你能接得住嗎？2影片中，女兒因?yàn)橥诮?jīng)驗(yàn)，便在潛意識(shí)里認(rèn)為和父親傾訴是安全的，于是她找到了父親，父親做的第一件事情不是“否定”，而是“傾聽”。當(dāng)女兒把男友想和她發(fā)生關(guān)系這件事情說出來之后，父親說的第一句話是：“你怎么說？”然而有很多父母，當(dāng)聽到女兒還在讀書，就已經(jīng)談戀愛了，還準(zhǔn)備要發(fā)生關(guān)系時(shí)，內(nèi)心產(chǎn)生了深深的恐懼和焦慮，一下子就失去了傾聽的能力，然后大發(fā)雷霆：“你趕緊給我回來，你才多大年齡，不允許去，不允許再和他交往”……父母成功地阻止了一次“災(zāi)難”災(zāi)難發(fā)生，同時(shí)也成功地讓女兒意識(shí)到，下次再遇到類似的事情，不能告訴你。再接下來，當(dāng)聽到女兒的心聲后，這位父親做了3件事情。第一是傳遞價(jià)值觀，父親告訴女兒，這是一個(gè)很重大的決定，不能因?yàn)楹ε露讌f(xié)，需要遵從內(nèi)心的意愿。第二是信任，我想沒有父母會(huì)不擔(dān)心自己的孩子過早發(fā)生關(guān)系，這位父親聽到這個(gè)消息的第一個(gè)反應(yīng)也是沉默的，但他還是相信自己的女兒有能力處理好這件事情。第三是尊重，父親通過把選擇權(quán)還給女兒，由女兒來做決定，讓女兒感受到他的尊重，并教導(dǎo)女兒要尊重自己內(nèi)心的感受。在這次事件中，女兒把如此隱私的問題告訴給父親，沒有受到責(zé)備，得到了父親的尊重和指導(dǎo)，女兒下一次再遇到困難的時(shí)候，自然還會(huì)和父親商量。而面對同一件事，母親的態(tài)度與父親的截然相反：<span id="wsstnmvt" class="beupset26">文章源自懂愛網(wǎng)-http://www.motor-park.com.cn/2245.html</span><p>母親此時(shí)掏出一盒從女兒包里找到的避孕套：<p>這樣的對話，你有沒有覺得很熟悉？你對你的孩子說過類似的話嗎？或者當(dāng)你是小孩的時(shí)候，你的父母是不是也這樣和你說話？沒有尊重理解，只有指責(zé)和否定，只會(huì)讓孩子崩潰，把TA越推越遠(yuǎn)，直至對你關(guān)上心門。對另一半而言，也是如此。</div><div id="wsstnmvt" class="turn-small"></div><div id="wsstnmvt" class="sharing-box betip" data-aos="zoom-in"> <a class="be-btn-beshare be-btn-like use-beshare-like-btn" data-count="" rel="external nofollow"> <span id="wsstnmvt" class="sharetip bz like-number"> 點(diǎn)贊 </span><div id="wsstnmvt" class="triangle-down"></div> </a> <span id="wsstnmvt" class="post-link">http://www.motor-park.com.cn/2245.html</span> <a class="tooltip be-btn-beshare be-btn-link be-btn-link-b use-beshare-link-btn" rel="external nofollow" onclick="myFunction()" onmouseout="outFunc()"><span id="wsstnmvt" class="sharetip bz copytip">復(fù)制鏈接</span></a> <a class="tooltip be-btn-beshare be-btn-link be-btn-link-l use-beshare-link-btn" rel="external 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