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href="http://www.motor-park.com.cn/219644.html#respond"><i class="be be-speechbubble ri"></i><span id="wsstnmvt" class="comment-qa"></span><em>評論</em></a></span><span id="wsstnmvt" class="views"><i class="be be-eye ri"></i>157</span><span id="wsstnmvt" class="word-time"></span></span></div><span id="wsstnmvt" class="s-hide" title="側(cè)邊欄"><span id="wsstnmvt" class="off-side"></span></span><div id="wsstnmvt" class="single-content"><p>很多姑娘一談了戀愛，往往就會變成“重色輕友”的典范，她們把自己的全部都放到了對方身上，好的、壞的;積極的、消極的;正向的、負(fù)向的……<p>你以為你這樣是愛他，殊不知你這種狀態(tài)只會讓他覺得沉重不堪，被你壓垮。<span id="wsstnmvt" class="beupset79">文章源自懂愛網(wǎng)-http://www.motor-park.com.cn/219644.html</span><p>“花心”社交，為你提供社會支持<p>1965年，著名的學(xué)者Harlow把很多恒河猴隔離起來進(jìn)行飼養(yǎng)，一年下來，這些被隔離飼養(yǎng)的猴子幾乎沒有接觸過其他猴子。<p>從生理上，這些猴子身體健康，沒有營養(yǎng)不良或者生理缺陷的狀況。但是，這些猴子膽怯和孤僻，很多對于猴子這個種類做起來非常平常的行為，比如自咬，它們做起來卻非常怪異。它們從未和同伴接觸過，所以它們的社會功能便受到了嚴(yán)重的損害。<p>人是群居的，是需要社會支持的。<p>在心理學(xué)上，社會支持可以分為兩類，一類是客觀的、可見的或?qū)嶋H的支持，比如物質(zhì)上的直接援助。但還有一類，是主觀的、體驗(yàn)到的情感上的支持，是個體在社會中受尊重、被支持、理解的情感體驗(yàn)呵呵滿意程度，與個體的主觀感受密切相關(guān)。<p>一個人所擁有的社會支持網(wǎng)絡(luò)越強(qiáng)大，就能夠越好地應(yīng)對各種來自環(huán)境的挑戰(zhàn)。以社會支持理論取向的社會工作，強(qiáng)調(diào)通過干預(yù)個人的社會網(wǎng)絡(luò)來改變其在個人生活中的作用。特別對那些社會網(wǎng)絡(luò)資源不足或者利用社會網(wǎng)絡(luò)的能力不足的個體，社會工作者致力于給他們以必要的幫助，幫助他們擴(kuò)大社會網(wǎng)絡(luò)資源，提高其利用社會網(wǎng)絡(luò)的能力。<p>所以，如果你想完全拋棄你的社會屬性，脫離所有的社交場景，僅僅只和你的另一半在一起，你就是那只孤僻的恒河猴了。你的關(guān)心，你的見解，你的習(xí)慣和行為都會讓他覺得奇怪而不舒服，會遭到他的排斥。<p>想要談一場好的戀愛，首先就要切記，不要把自己處于孤立無援的狀態(tài)。<p>“花心”社交，讓你保持最佳狀態(tài)<p>要想生活過得好，就要有良好的社交。<p>為什么這么說呢?美國心理學(xué)家J.Cacioppo曾做了這樣一項(xiàng)研究，他在芝加哥地區(qū)選取了200名中老年被試，連續(xù)幾年對他們的身體健康、生活習(xí)慣、社會聯(lián)系甚至經(jīng)濟(jì)收入等情況做了細(xì)致的跟蹤調(diào)查，試圖找出到底什么是保證人們在慢慢變老的過程中，繼續(xù)享受健康快樂的秘密。<p>結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)，人們與外界發(fā)生的各種社會聯(lián)系對自身的生活質(zhì)量具有十分重要的價值。那些“對自己的社會聯(lián)系滿意”的人，絕大多數(shù)睡眠情況都非常好，而且總體上生活質(zhì)量也較高，經(jīng)常可以體驗(yàn)到幸福，甚至在工作中也賺到了更多的錢。<p>在身體健康方面，研究人員也有同樣發(fā)現(xiàn)。那些缺少社會聯(lián)系、渴望友誼的孤獨(dú)者，他們的血壓比社會聯(lián)系良好的人們高得多，平均高出了30個標(biāo)準(zhǔn)分。而且，對比不同年份收集到的調(diào)查數(shù)據(jù)也說明，那些社會聯(lián)系良好的人們，他們的身心健康和幸福感隨年齡增加變得越來越好。<p>實(shí)際上，孤獨(dú)感就好像饑餓感一樣，是我們渴望與他人建立連接的一種暗示。建立連接并不一定要只和另一半，也可以是朋友、同學(xué)、同事、鄰居等等。而社會聯(lián)系是人們生活中不可或缺的內(nèi)容之一。<p>這說明什么呢?說明一個人只有處在社交圈子里，整個人的狀況才是真正的好。如果你想過健康的生活，不管戀愛談的怎么樣，你都要保證你能夠處在良好的社會關(guān)系之中。<p>“花心”社交，讓你給他支持<p>除了上述恒河猴實(shí)驗(yàn)，Harlow還做了這樣一個實(shí)驗(yàn)，他把小猴子剛出生時就和它們的媽媽分開，抱進(jìn)實(shí)驗(yàn)室單獨(dú)撫養(yǎng)。除了這只猴子以外，實(shí)驗(yàn)室里還有兩個完全靜止不動的猴媽媽模型，其中一個是用金屬絲纏繞而成，胸口處放著可以提供奶水的奶嘴。而另一個是由毛絨做成的，溫暖柔軟，卻并沒有奶水。<p>小猴子肯定是要黏媽媽的，但是，真的“有奶就是娘”嗎?如果這個觀點(diǎn)是對的，就意味著小猴子跟能夠給它提供食物的“金屬猴媽媽”形成依戀。<p>但事實(shí)上，小猴子卻更喜歡用毛絨做成的“猴媽媽”。它們只有在餓的時候才去找金屬“猴媽媽”，其他時間都與毛絨媽媽待在一起。如果是受到驚嚇，小猴子也會很快跑到毛絨媽媽那里，與毛絨媽媽緊緊地抱在一起。這說明，即使是在動物之間，社會聯(lián)系的形成也不僅僅是為了生理需求的滿足。<p>好了，這個時候你應(yīng)該明白，人和人之間要想有聯(lián)系，一定要有感情上的流動。<p>很多學(xué)員找學(xué)長哭，詢問學(xué)長，為什么我?guī)退隽四敲炊嗍虑?，還給他花了錢，一心只為他，他卻拋棄我跟別的女人在一起了呢?又或者有人來問，為什么我?guī)退隽四敲炊嗍虑?，給她買各種東西，跪舔她，她卻跟別的男人走了?<p>一樣的道理，你們扮演了金屬猴媽媽的角色，沒給到你們的另一半以心理上的需求，這才是他們會選擇離開的根本原因。但是，一心撲在他身上的你，連自己的情感需求還沒有滿足，你要拿什么滿足他?<p>所以要想挽回你的前任，不妨先試著讓自己“花心”起來，多交幾個朋友，讓自己保持良好的狀態(tài)，相信這個時候的你最美。</div><div 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